Want to Master Enterprise Software Engineering Use These Three Power Moves to Achieve Great Success


Borat - Great Success!

I have been in the “enterprise software engineering” industry for 22 years.

During that time, I have briefly but technically become a cloud startup millionaire. I published the first book with “cloud-native” in the title (and yes, the goddamn hyphen is correct, I said what I said). In fact, I have invested so many hours into mastering my craft that I literally have to turn down invitations to speak at conferences on the regular, even in this post-COVID era.

But did you notice something?

None of those have anything to do with enterprise software engineering.

We tend to revere personalities, celebrities, and influencers - label us what you will - on social media, but geek fame is worthless inside the belly of corporate technology.

So I’ve had to learn a few power moves to progress throughout most of my pseudo-technical career. Here are my most potent 3:

Power Move #1: There’s always more room on the slide.

Here’s how it works:

  • Move the company floodmarks (you know, on the PowerPoint template) as far into the margin as you can.
  • Fill at least six boxes with bulleted lists of 10pt. text.
  • Paste them into a grid on the slide. Repeat until painful.

This simple template lets you say almost anything you want during a presentation. Your audience will spend the entire time trying to decipher the hieroglyphics on your screen share.

Power Move #2: Never underestimate the power of the one.

Here’s how it works:

  • Schedule a one-hour meeting.
  • Create an intro slide with an agenda.
  • Spend 30 minutes cramming multiple random topics into the first bullet point.

This move allows you to “take out the trash” by jamming through several unsavory items quickly, followed by a quick palate cleanser. No one will remember the negative bits, and the slides say, “Update.”

Power Move #3: Project confidence even when you’re incompetent.

Here’s how it works:

  • Avoid delivering tangible solutions. That sounds suspiciously like work.
  • Instead, show up to as many meetings as possible with your complicated slides and confidently make unfounded assertions.
  • If you avoid work and provide plausible objections to every legitimate technology initiative, you’ll unlock a long and successful career as an enterprise mediocrity architect.

Easy, right?